po box

I don't know about many of you, but when I became a teenager (and still lived at home), a PO box became my best friend. Much like the anonymity of the internet, a PO box allowed me to keep my transgender side of my life separate and private. It allowed me to place mail orders and not having to worry about a box from Lane Bryant showing up on my doorstop. I remember signing up for it, giddy with excitement thinking about how I could order anything I wanted, and not be judged. I requested my first catalog (don't remember if I did it on the internet, or stole a catalog from my mom's place). As soon as I got my first catalog, I placed an order right away. I remember the first thing I bought, a polyester black dress (which I still have today), and a pair of 3/4" heels. I'll never forget that first time I slipped that dress over my head in the bathroom, the feeling of it wrapping around my body. It didn't take long before I was buying all sorts of things, from lingerie to pink stretchy pants. I remember making a special trip at least every other day, more often if I thought a package was on it's way. Typically I was showing up late at night, so I didn't even have the embarrassment of other's watching over my shoulder. In a way, it's sad that all of us feel so judged, whether we actually are or not.