Saturday, May 26, 2012

anniversary of cutting my long hair

It's been nearly a year since I had to cut my very long hair. I was unhappy at my job, and was interviewing for a good 6-8 months prior to my termination with no offers. I honestly think it had everything to do with my hair (even though companies claim they don't discriminate, they do). Unless your a genius and an employer just HAS to snatch you up (in which case, if your that good, you could probably start your own business and don't need to work for someone else), you have to bow down to the man.

Anyway, I eventually was let go from my job, and I knew I had to do something drastic now to find a new job, so I told my wife to cut off my hair in one lump sum. For some reason, I started to think recently about how I shouldn't have been so quick to act. I should have had fun with it and cut it off in chunks since it was going away anyway (this following wouldn't have worked since I had planned on donating my hair to locks of love). But anyway, I should have started out by giving myself some bangs (something else I've never really experienced). Something like Simone or Zooey deschanel from the tv show New girl

Then once I had my fun with that, I could give myself a bob hairstyle:

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My dream this morning

Had an AMAZING and vivid dream this morning. Now I RARELY have any dreams where I'm crossdressed, even rarer when I'm an actual woman (maybe twice before in my entire life). So the dream starts out like this. I look down, realize I'm in women's clothing (still not aware of my gender yet). I walk out of the bedroom, out to a partial loft overlooking a large living room, with stairs to each side. I peep out, not sure if I want to be seen. I can see one woman look up at me, not in a "I know your crossdressed!", but "Oh, who's that popping out of the room?" kind of look. I'm still hesitant even after that affirmation that I'm passing, but then I see a woman I know (want to say it was my wife, but not totally sure), and she's waving her hand like "come on out, come mingle with the guests". I retreat back to the bedroom, and into the master bathroom. I shut the door behind me. Right away I look at the mirror, and I'm shocked. I can tell I'm clearly not male, but completely female.

I was so shocked, I could feel an intense panic attack. So much so, I could feel that I was relieving myself. I was like "oh crap! I can't wet myself, I have no idea if I even have a change of clothes". I really didn't care that I was urinating all over the floor, just don't pee on the dress. Then another realization came to me, I was urinating.. from my vagina. That's another thing, I could feel my vagina. I could actually feel the sensation that there was no longer anything sticking out, and I could feel the wind up a crevice inside of me, it actually felt better than I imagined.

Now normally if I was a guy, I'd get turned on, penis would get erect, and I'd have a straight forward firehose shooting piss on whatever got in it's way. Nope, pee was shooting straight down to the floor. I tried to at least tip toe so that I didn't get piss on my heels either. I eventually managed to hover over the toilet to finish up. Then I decided to get a better look at myself. I actually remember getting my face real close to the mirror, and seeing in detail what my face looked like. I sort of looked like me, but my face was feminized, big time. It was as if I was seeing what I would look like if I was born female. Biggest thing I noticed was that my features almost seemed puffy (instead of having strong jawline and cheeks). I then noticed my very straight and long blonde hair combed to one side of my face, and a cute hat with a lace ribbon.

I wanted this dream to last forever, but like most dreams they end before you want them to. At least a couple occasions today at work, that feeling of having a vagina came back to me, imagining what it would be like if I had one right now, wearing a skirt or a dress, feeling the wind blow below me.


So I got back from vacation, hence why the lack of posts. Had a fun time there, favorite part was seeing zumanity. Sexy, funny, and the hostess is transgender (would never have guessed for a moment it wasn't a woman).

We did lots of walking, and lots of window shopping (some actual shopping). Saw this great display at one store, it's a high heel made entirely out of hangers:

Then there was this store, nothing but socks and stockings. They had some really sexy ones I've never even seen online, I was so tempted to buy a pair

Lots of "clubwear" dress shops, or as my wife referred to them as "whore shops", and lots of shoe stores to match

Lots of crazy styles, all out of my price range and shoe size ($100-up), including this pair:

During my time off, I really started to daydream about femininity, wanting to crossdress something fierce actually. I started to really think about how I wanted to get back into dressing more regularly again. I want to get back on my diet (I've let 15lbs slip back on), I want to get a wig I REALLY like, I want to start painting my toes again, I want to start practicing my female voice everyday during my commute so I can start perfecting that.

Monday, May 7, 2012

what would you do? transgender

This just aired end of last week. Carmen (from ru paul's drag race) decided to be on the show. The situation? How would people react when a waitress reveals she used to be a guy to a long time male customer, and the man starts berating her and calling her sick. How would the other customers react to this opinioned (actor)? Surprisingly good:

real life barbie

This is absolutely surreal!

One thing I would do if I were her, I would totally go to a public place and sit perfectly still. Make people think I'm a realdoll, then suddenly jump up and scare the crap out of them :-)

Thursday, May 3, 2012

(Comic life) caption tool

After reading this post on rebecca's page:

Decided to try the software out. Had no idea there were tools to do this. I was manually drawing them in, or using balloon fonts to create them. Here's a sampling:

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

origin of high heels

You might be surprised by the answer where they started:

That's right, butchers wore them to avoid the bloody floor :-0