Monday, April 26, 2010

reality check

I don't know if you'd call it soul searching, but perhaps taking a moment to really figure out who I am. For the longest time I thought I was an autogynephiliac, and perhaps on some level I still am (I like the fantasy of being a woman, and servicing a man). However, my fantasies are ALWAYS of that. When I think about the idea of being "trapped" in a female body and being forced to stay that way, it's not the scariest or most problematic scenario in the world. Yes there would be a lot to get used to (body itself, speech, tone, inflection, people viewing and judging me differently for my gender, possible pay cut, more vulnerable), but on a sexual level I see almost no difference. Obviously there are huge differences (submissive vs agressor, the physical act (being penetrated vs penetrating, different feelings inside, etc), but the actual act... I mean, it's not entirely foreign either. Then I got to thinking "what if I really was a woman. Like, seriously I woke up one morning and I was female, and there was no rhyme or reason to it, and no conceivable way of switching back, would it be the worst thing in the world. And I can honestly say, not really.

Yea that's right, if I was forced into womanhood (either by some technological miracle or by a waking conscience reincarnation), I don't think I'd be all that bothered. Does this mean I'd actually consider a sex change? Sadly, I still don't think so. There are so many reasons against the odds. Yes I know thousands of men go through with it with the same challenges, but I'm a very scientific/math kind of guy.
1. Learning curve - this has to be the most signifigant one. Even though there have been success stories where a guy decides to transition, and within one year he's practically an indistinguishable woman. You can pretty much say that about anything, there's bound to be some lucky ducks. There's also the saying "fake it until you make it". I think a lot of transexuals are more together in appearance than they actually are. The idea that you can pop a pill and magically learn a lifetime of how to act like a woman in a short time of span is a nice wish, but not likely.
2. $$$ - let's face it, money talks and bullshit walks. Most transexuals have a pay cut if they switch jobs (I think it'd be illegal for your current employer to fire you in most states). But if you go to a job interview at a new company, often to escape embarrasement (or reduce your odds of getting hired), many transexuals are forced to make a clean slate, which also means the same with your experience. Oh sure you changed your name, you updated your degree, but what about references? When they call your former employer and ask if this woman ever worked for you, they'll scratch their head "No?" And yet, we still haven't factored in the sex change itself ($20-$30k in a 3rd world nation), the hormones you'll have to take for the rest of your life, possibly having to have clothing custom made (depending on your body type, of which mine is a basketball player).
3. Sex - From what I read (and I could be wrong), but even though your only flipping flesh, I hear often times the nerve endings get partially destroyed during SRS. Of course your reasoning for sex change can often run deeper than sex (the feeling of a penis between your legs can feel so foreign that merely getting rid of it is more important than getting off). Of course the mere feeling of taking a penis into the body could be enough for some.

What is my point of all this? Well I'm convinced that unless science invents a way to tap into my brain so that I can virtually feel what it's like to be a woman, or they can transplant my brain into a female body, I don't think I will ever know (in this lifetime) what it really feels like for a girl. That's not to say I've given up hope on science, nor the idea of reincarnation, but I know I do not want a sex change.

However, that does not rule out that I'm not a heterosexual, or possibly a bi-female trapped in a man's body. What I'm getting at is the idea of being a woman full time doesn't completely turn me off anymore. I used to have the guilt that most crossdressers have the microsecond after you cum, and feel disgusted by the way your dressed. However, I could totally see living female all the time (not that I am or desire to), but I'm not against the idea of doing as such.

So what might a scenario be if I was suddenly in the body of a woman?

"Hmm.. not a bad body. Not as skinny as I would have liked, but beggars can't be choosers. I'm still pretty cute"

"Wow, just looking at my body turns you on that much? I kind of like this power I have over you. You like it when I bend over a little bit and my breasts hang like this?"

"Oh my, your cock is so hard! Looks a lot like mine used to, before the body swap. Why don't I come over there and help you out with that?"

"Errr.. looks like my boobs make a pretty nice fake pussy. I like how I can rock back and forth and stroke your cock with them".

"I spose I've teased you enough. What say we take you for a little test spin, what do you say cock?"

"Mmm.. this almost makes me miss my penis... ALMOST. Oddly, I sort of like it in my mouth, like it belongs there now"

"Oh my gawd, your cock feels so good in my new pussy. Don't cum yet, I want to really savor this!"

3 comments:

  1. 人生最可憐的是半途而廢,最可悲的是喪失信心,最遺憾的是浪費時間,最可怕的是沒有恆心。..................................................

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  2. 喜樂的心是健康良藥,憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。........................................

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