Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Monday, July 29, 2013

New seperate blog

I've decided to keep ramblings on a separate blog if you care to read about me:

Trying to keep the original intent of this site focused..

Friday, July 19, 2013

Literal head swap, how will it start?

Been thinking about this news story for a while

Who will be the first when it does happen?  I mean, we did clone a human being, so there was a first there.  My guess, because this is such a risky surgery, is that it will happen when there happens to be the perfect situation.  That being where one person has a perfectly good head but a completely crushed body, and the other person has a perfectly good body, but a crushed head or a brain that is completely vegged out.
I imagine a scenario in a factory.  Lots of forklifts rushing by.  They honk the horns, they try to drive carefully, but honestly a person making minimum wage isn't going to put a lot of effort into safety.  The forklift driver looks down for a moment to see who's texting him on his phone.  Just then, a man and a woman from the office cross his path.  There's no time to jump out of the way, both are on the path to getting clobbered.  The woman gets knocked over but pushed out of the way.  The guy gets completely run over, starting with his feet, finishing off right on his chest.  Fortunately, because of the resistance of his body, the forklift comes to an abrupt stop.  Unfortunately for the woman, the giant heavy crate he was carrying had momentum, and slides right off the forks.  It ends up falling right on the woman's head just above her nose.  Immediately workers come to see what's happening, and see if they can help move the heavy machinery off the two office workers.  They manage to roll the forklift off the man, seeing nothing but wheel marks bludgeoning his entire body.  He seems partially conscience, but is very unresponsive and moaning in what pain his mind is able to comprehend.  They tilt the giant crate off the woman's head, only to find that her head is so crushed her skull is cracked partially open.  They try to get her to respond, but she just lies there as if asleep.  They can see her breathing, but that's about it.

An ambulance arrives, and the medics rush to assess the situation.  They take vitals of each patient.  Both medics look at each other, and nod to each other.  They've been waiting for precisely a situation like this.  They know that at the hospital they work at, they have worked out a head transplant surgery, but it's only theory at this point and needs to be tested out.  It's quite clear that neither one of these patients have any chance of recovering, but perhaps they can piece together one survivor.

They call ahead to the hospital, and they respond that they have police on the way to give them an escort to the hospital.  When both patients arrive, they are rolled into one of the passcode protected operating rooms.  The doctor begins his surgery, prepping each body by lowering their body temperatures down quickly.  When they've reached optimal temperature, he begins cutting each head, right underneath the chin.  He quickly moves the male head over to the female body, and begins the re-attachment process by using a laser to surgically merge the spin and nerves to the new body.  His team then begins resuscitating the patient by shocking the heart.  After a few tries, the heart begins beating again.  Once they feel the body has stablized, the doctor proceeds re-attaching the skin and performing plastic surgery to cover up the scarring.  Once the doctor finishes up, they attach an IV and wheel him to a recovery room.  He spends the next 16 hours asleep, recovering the entire time.  He wakes up in the middle of the night, barely remembering what happened.  Of course because of the situation, they have a nurse working at all times monitoring his progress.  The moment he moves, a sensor goes off at the nurse's station alerting her of it.  She enters the room and can see him stirring about.

"How are you Miss.. I mean Mr Johnson?"
 "Huh? What happened to me?"
Just then, he realizes his vocal chords don't sound right to him.  He grabs his throat, not sure how his voice could possibly be that off even if he was out for a long time.  The nurse gets closer and assures him everything is ok.
"There there Miss.. Johnson, everything is fine.  I'm sure you have lots of questions about what happened".
"Why do you keep calling me Miss... Holy shit, what's wrong with my voice?"  he asked.  Just then he grabbed his hospital gown and lifted it up to look down at his chest.  All he could see was a pair of breasts.
Just then the nurse grabbed a needle to inject her with Thorazine to calm her down.
"What are you doing to me?! I want explanations! Why the hell am I a girrrrrr...."
Just then he passed out.  The nurse picked up the phone and called the doctor to explain what happened.  Moments later, the doctor walked in and saw Miss johnson passed out.
"Clearly she's shocked at her new body, if only she could understand that this was the only way for her to survive that horrible accident.  I think the only way for her to accept it is to slowly get her used to the idea of being a woman.  I think we should tie her down, when she comes to I don't want her running out of here.  We'll mount a full length mirror next to the bed so she can see herself.  As the days pass, she'll slowly get used to her new body image.  As her body's hormones kick in, it should help feminize her head too.  Then slowly we'll get her to wear female clothes, get her used to that.  Then start introducing her to things like makeup and jewelry.

After the first 36 hours passed, she finally woke from her groggy sleep.  Once again, the nurse stepped into the room.
"Where am I? Oh yea, in the hospital.  How come I can't move?", she asked.
"You're tied down because you're not ready to be trusted just yet", said the nurse.
"Trusted?  What did I do?", she asked.
"Nothing.. yet.  Just give it some time, eventually everything will work out".
"So what exactly happened to me?  Can you at least give me that?", she asked.
"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell you anything, but it hurts me to see you like this.  You see Miss Johnson, you were in a work related accident", the nurse explained.
"OMG! I remember now.  I was walking through the plant, and that forklift driver... and that woman stepped next to me.. WAIT! Do I?"
"Yes dear, you have HER body I'm afraid", said the nurse.
"But... HOW?! I mean, how is it even possible that I have her body?", she asked.
"Well, there's this new experimental surgery that the doctor has been working on, and well.. you two were the perfect candidate to try it out.  Your old body was absolutely crushed, unable to continue living.  And that girl, well her brain was completely crushed.  If it wasn't for her body, you wouldn't have survived".
"Well that's just fucking great.  I survived, but now I have to be a girl?", she asked.
"I know it's not ideal, but the surgery was a success.  I mean, would you rather have died?"
"I really wonder if it wouldn't have been better?  I mean look at me, LISTEN TO ME! I sound SO girly!  How am I even going to return to society like this?"
"Well.. I'm sure you'll adjust.  We have counselors that can help you adjust to your new life", said the nurse.
"I DON'T WANT A NEW LIFE, I WANT MY OLD ONE BACK!!  Get me out of these restraints, I'm tired of being stuck in this bed", she said.
The nurse administered another shot of Thorazine, and again she passed out.  She called the doctor in again.
"You did what?!! Why did you tell her about what happened? Do you realize the shock you gave her by doing that?  Pheh, I think there's only one thing to do at this point.  We have to trick her into thinking she's actually her co-worker.  When her hair grows out enough, I want you to dye it red and style it just like she did.  Then I want you to find the identical dress she was wearing when she died.  We are going to make her think she actually is her co-worker.  We'll get her ready as if she's going to work, and then drop her off in her cubicle, and when she wakes up, she'll think it was all some crazy dream.  Heck, I'll even talk to management there and make sure they tell all her co-workers to act like nothing is out of the ordinary.  If psychology taught me anything, humans aren't that far off from lemmings.  If everyone else acts like nothing is strange, she'll believe it to be true".

After a few more days, they hired a hairstylist/beautician to come in and fix her hair and do her makeup.  Then they got her dressed, Photoshopped a new license with her new name (Pamela Johnson), and drove her to work.  When she woke up at her desk, she looked around.  She wasn't sure what to think.  One moment she seemed to be dreaming about being tied to a bed in a hospital, the next moment she's suddenly back at work.

"This isn't my office", she said to herself.  Of course she wasn't, her office was the big one in the corner, this was Pamela's cubicle.
"Morning Pam! How was your weekend?", another co-worker asked.
"Ha.. Hi.. I guess it was ok? Did you just call me Pam?", she asked.
"Well, yea.. that is your name isn't it?  Say, you wanna go get some coffee?", she asked.
"Uhh.. surrrre", said Pam.
"Sooo... this is going to sound like a weird question, but what do I do here?", asked Pam.
"You're a personal assistant silly.  You know, you type the boss' letters, get coffee, take notes, book his travel, answer the phones.  You know, the usual stuff", she said.
Pam nodded, and the truth of  her new life was starting to set in.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Jenny McCarthy commercial

She just did an ad for carls jr, very simliar to the burger ad that paris hilton did, but she's doing a salad.

She's another one of these women that amaze me she's 40.  I know it' not just because I'm in the same age range, if I were in my 20's I would still think she's hot