My take on Autogynephiliac

I've been reading a blog on here:
http://autogynephiliac.blogspot.com

Ever since it was mentioned by rebecca molay that it was being updated after being dormant. I remember reading about this well over a year ago. I had mentioned in a certain (extremely filtered forum) that will remain nameless, which quickly got deleted after some flaming. I have also posted a comment on a youtube video about the subject:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn94kMZlzvQ

And also got quickly flamed. She did tell me to watch a video of Andrea James
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_ABs1WNwBg

Talking about Michael Bailey and how his view on transexualism is hurting the transgender community. While I'm certainly not denying this term doesn't exist, I also don't agree with him in the fact he wants to label every transexual as this. I think there are many levels to the transgender spectrum, and it's very close minded to lump everything into one category.

By the way, this person also has the best female voice instructional video I've ever seen, covering all 4 techniques:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciWIzpW_X20

However with that said, this term with all it's attributes:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogynephilia

I don't think there's one person who's reading this blog doesn't see something on there that doesn't apply to them. Quite frankly, I think pretty much everything on there applies to me, sometimes many of them at the same time, sometimes just one thing, but I can definitely relate to all of it.

So now your probably asking yourself, "I still don't understand why the hatred towards this term"? Well above and beyond a psychiatrist trying to lump all transgender into one category, I believe turning a lifestyle into a fetish "in which all MTF are really sexually turned on by modifying their own bodies", it not only devalues it, but since many SRS procedures are covered by insurance, imagine how quickly they would change their minds if they thought this wasn't even cosmetic, but rather a sexual turn-on.

So as I commented on this blog, I think someone needs to coin a new term, one that takes all of these attributes, but creates a new name for it that isn't tainted and hated. The best I could come up with is MT-ferotica. If you read it, it starts out as MTF and combines with erotica, and then it has a double entandra of "empty", meaning it's not real but a fantasy.

I also read on a blog about how we have the most unfair situation. We aren't like gay people where we come out of the closet and is well because they dress and act as they feel. We are not like transexuals where they take hormones and get electrolysis, perhaps breast implants or SRS and live their lives as women, and they also dress and act as they feel. No, we live a very different lifestyle. We live a life where we only want to temporarily be a woman to fullfill a sexual desire. This to me is one of the most inconvenient situations one can have. I mean it's not like having some weird disease where "I can't be in the sunlight" sort of inconveniences, but it's certainly not consistent. I don't know how many times I've thought about crossdressing, then thought "hmm, at least an hour of prep, a few hours of enjoying it, and then 10 minutes spent undressing and taking off makeup, and being confined to my home". It's no wonder why I don't do it more often, especially when some photos and a few lines of story can get you most of the way there. Some say "well hey, why stay confined to your house? get out there and show your pride". That's great, except I'm not part of that crowd. I don't need to come out because I have no inclination of transitioning. Why should I have to explain myself to anyone, especially when they'll form their own opinion about me since this condition is so unknown to mainstream media.

Often my wife will ask me "what turns you on?", to which I have to play dumb. I sometimes think about sending her a link to the wiki page that so defines me, but I'm not sure she'd understand it. What advantage would it have anyway? I have a fantasy that can't actually be fullfilled. Oh sure maybe some of it, I mean I can wear the clothing and pretend I'm actually a girl underneath, perhaps partake in "female" activities to make the fantasy more real, but deep down we all know who we really are underneath it all. We wear our masks in public to hide what we really are deep inside our minds.

I'm reminded of a larry king live "men becoming women, women becoming men" where one of the guests talks about how we are not defined by our sexual organs. Everyone thinks gender is all genital based and it's not. We have gender based on our genitals, and we have gender based in our mind. This actually elaborates sexuality into more than just the 4 categories (hetrosexual male, hetrosexual female, gay men, lesbian women). Just look at lesbians, you have lipstick lesbians (mind of a female), and a sex drive of a female. But then there's butch lesbians (mind of a man), and sex drive of a female. I believe the same can hold true for MTF transgender. If you have the mind of a female, and your sexuality is that of female (wanting to be a woman attracted to men), then you will likely transition. If your someone like me (sexuality of a woman), but a mind of a man (only thinks about female things as a sexual turn-on but likes building stuff, fixing stuff, tinkering with gadgets), well then your probably an Autogynephiliac.